They say to “write what you know,” but I think sometimes it’s easier to write what you don’t know. Today, I wanted to provide some super easy steps to failing at restaurant dining with kids, because THAT is something I know ALL about. It’s the success part where I fail. Learn from my experience, and then do the opposite.
Here, without further ado, is what NOT to do when taking young kids to an average restaurant:
- Don’t pack anything. No snacks. No comfort items. No tech. No toys. And definitely no diapers. Absolutely DO NOT prepare for your dining experience in any way.
- When they poop, wait until the smell permeates not only the entire dining area, but the kitchen as well, because there’s nothing that makes it easier to make food than smelling dirty diaper when you’re cooking. Try it. Plus, it’s awesome trying to eat chocolate cake when you smell diarrhea.
- Ignore them when they cry, screech, or wail too loudly for anyone to ignore them. Act indignant when anyone shoots you evil stares on their way to and from the restroom. You’re paying for your food just like they are, right? It’s not like ambiance is part of the experience.
- Demand extra things from your server and their coworkers. When a kid drops a fork, ask for another fork; when they drop it again and again and again, ask for another and another and another. When they tip over their mac and cheese, ask for “someone to clean up this mess” and demand a rush on a replacement order of mac and cheese.
- Wait until the kids are near starving to seek food; once at the restaurant, don’t order kids’ food until everyone at the table is ready to order. Bonus: Ask the barely comprehensible toddler to order for herself; act as translator between your kid and the server. They love that.
- Ignore the mess they make from throwing their food everywhere; you don’t need to clean it yourself – that’s what the restaurant staff get paid to do!
- If you bring tech to entertain your kids, make sure the volume is turned way UP so everyone in the restaurant can enjoy the first five minutes of Frozen over and over again with your kids.
What do you think? Do you have anything you’d add to this list?